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How Play School's Little Ted is helping parents and kids talk about death and grief

Play School's Little Ted in a hat and shirt for a story about talking about death and grief
In an episode, Little Ted's goldfish Swish dies, and his friends gather around him for support.()

From Mufasa in The Lion King to the loss of Bambi's mother, death is never far from a children's film.

Yet for many parents, figuring out the right time — and language — to explain the cycle of life can be extremely challenging, especially when it comes after a death that's closer to home than the other side of a screen.

So, how do you talk to young kids about death?

In a special episode of Play School, airing Monday 19 August on ABC, Australia's longest-running children's program is tackling that very question.

The episode, Beginnings and Endings, explores the joys and sorrows that come with the various stages of life — from buying a puppy to the death of a grandparent.

It's the first time in Play School's 53-year history that the show will explicitly talk about death and grief with its preschool-aged audience.

Play School presenter Alex Papps holding a scrapbook he made about his grandma to depict talking about death and grief with kids
Presenter Alex Papps talks personally about losing his grandmother in a special episode of Play School.()

Bryson Hall was senior producer of the episode, which follows Acknowledgement of Country as the second standalone special this year.

"Play School went in a slightly new direction in our last commission and we decided that we're going to do five standalone specials," he says.

"It's been on the cards for a very long time, doing an episode like Beginnings and Endings. Play School has dealt with this stuff, but very indirectly, through stories. To be able to have a half-hour dedicated to [birth and death] meant it was a lot easier to explore the themes."

Mr Hall says the two presenters, Alex Papps and Emma Palmer, bring their personal stories to the episode.

"Emma's pregnant throughout the whole episode, which is a very obvious reflection of beginnings, and Alex was able to talk personally about the loss of his grandmother," he says.

Presenter Emma Palmer with a small baby and her mother on the set of Play School.
Beginnings and Endings also celebrates the joyful parts of life, such as presenter Emma Palmer's pregnancy.()

But it's not just the Play School presenters sharing personal experiences.

In the episode, Little Ted's goldfish Swish dies, and his friends gather around him for support.

"We made sure that they weren't going around to 'cheer him up'," explains Mr Hall.

"That's language you shouldn't use, because it's OK to be sad. [The friends] are just around there to be supportive of him, and let him grieve if he wants to, let him cry and just chat."

Be open and honest about death

In preparation for this episode, the Play School team consulted with two bereavement counsellors, one of whom is Elizabeth Mann, clinical director of the National Centre for Childhood Grief.

"I totally understand why we want to protect our children [from death]," says Dr Mann, who sees kids aged from three to 18 who've had someone close to them die.

"We wish we could wrap them up in cotton wool and not have to deal with some of these more serious issues of life, but … death and grief are going to be part of their experience.

"We can model to them when they're really young that it is actually OK … it's a sad topic, but it's not taboo."

Bereavement counsellor Dr Elizabeth Mann standing outside in Sydney CBD, wearing tweed blazer.
Dr Elizabeth Mann says there are resources and services available for families dealing with grief.()

Dr Mann advises parents to speak openly and honestly.

"They don't understand the permanency of death — that it's forever — so using clear language with little children is really important," she says.

This means avoiding euphemisms like, "They passed away", "We've lost her" or "He's watching over us".

While these sentiments make sense to us as adults, Mr Hall says they often spark more questions for kids.

"Children will ask repeatedly the same question. If there's any skerrick of doubt about, 'What does that mean: they're watching over me?' they'll ask again," he explains.

"If something doesn't match up, they'll be confused."

Even if you use clear language, questions might come up days, weeks or even months later, and conversations will usually need to be revisited.

That's why Laura Stone, early childhood producer for the ABC's Children's department, recommends laying the groundwork before there's a death in your family.

Play School producers Bryson Hall and Laura Stone in the program's art room.
Producers Bryson Hall and Laura Stone say the program will help parents tackle tough questions from young children.()

"Start from a place of shared truth and being led by the child as much as you can," she says.

"You know, asking them where their knowledge is at and what they think happened. [That way] you're not bombarding children with anything unnecessary."

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'Big feelings' and fun activities

When a loved one dies, Dr Mann recommends keeping their memory alive by talking with your kids about why you loved them and experiences you shared.

"We like calling it 'fattening their memories' because little children do experience the pain of grief, but they don't have a lot of memories," she explains.

Dr Mann says little kids can't sit with "big feelings" for very long, so it's important to do a fun or energetic activity together after your talk.

For instance, in Play School's Beginnings and Endings episode, the section on Little Ted missing his gold fish is followed by a lively song and dance.

Bryson Hall adds that outdoor exercises are also effective in lifting your child's mood.

"Go on the trampoline, go for a bike ride, just do something fun and 'large action'," he says.

Or, if you're stuck for ideas, follow in the footsteps of Little Ted's friends and head out for a Play School-inspired picnic.

Beginnings and Endings explores the concepts of birth and death for preschool-aged children. It is available now on ABC iview, to give parents and carers an opportunity to watch the episode with their children. Watch it here.

The program is accompanied with learning notes, featuring talking points, story book examples and useful links for parents and early childhood educators looking to discuss these themes with children.

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